My Eating Disorder

This is definitely a post that I knew I needed to work up to. I have posted on here about my weight loss journey and felt I needed to expand on things. I lost 5 and a half stone in total and used an app on my phone to track the calories.

I used MyFitnessPal to count my calories, lose the weight and then maintain that weight loss for over a year. About 8 months ago I felt it was time to stop counting calories. This decision was very hard for me and something that filled me with so much anxiety that I can’t really explain. But after maintaining my weight loss for a year and still counting the calories, I felt enough was enough. Part of me felt like I was aware of what I should and shouldn’t be eating so why use the app? But the other part was anxious about gaining weight. I couldn’t stand the thought of getting fat again. And of wasting my time with losing weight in the first place to go and put it all back on again. Or even just gaining a few pounds. And I didn’t want to lose any weight. This was before my wedding so I didn’t want my wedding dress to be poorly fitted.

I managed to pluck up the courage and went to the doctors. I saw a GP. He wasn’t my actual GP but he was at my GP surgery. And in my opinion, he dealt with it really badly! I explained to him what I have just written about. His response was to say “you look good” and “you look healthy”. I still get angry about his response even now. He wouldn’t say something like that to someone with depression or another mental health concern. So why an eating disorder? He made me feel so belittled and like it was all in my head and not an actual problem.

I decided to go to private counselling because in my opinion, the NHS hadn’t helped me. This was about a month after my wedding and after literally two sessions, I made some real progress. I came to the realisation that I allowed the MyFitnessPal app to tell me when, or what I should eat. So instead of listening to my body, the app literally ruled my food choices. I have posted briefly about it on my Instagram page and on Instagram Stories and the amount of DMs I received was ridiculous (just FYI, I don’t have a big following but there were people telling me they felt the same way). And loads of them had a similar experience with the GPs they saw.

My experience with MyFitnessPal was perfect, to start with, but I allowed it to make decisions for me. It wasn’t the apps fault, if that makes sense. MyFitnessPal was the best method for me to use to lose weight and don’t get me wrong, I would definitely use it again, if I needed to. I recommend it to people all the time. But something about my obsession with weight loss, caused my eating disorder.

To anyone reading this who possibly has food anxiety, is feeling a food obsession or an eating disorder. Speak to someone about it. I wish I had done sooner. And remember, you are the expert on you so if you think something is wrong… something is wrong.

Love,

Laurie

xXx

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