No relationship is perfect all the time. Relationships take work and effort. These are some things that I feel would have been useful to have had explained to me before moving in with my partner (now my hubby). Some of the things I mention I have been aware of for a while, and some are more recent.
No relationship is 50:50
At times in my relationship, I’ve been with my hubby (including when we were dating) for nearly 7 years, we both have needed to make more effort than the other. For example, when my hubby started a new job, I picked up the slack with cooking, cleaning and the general chores, because let’s face it, that is stressful! And once he was settled in, things moved back to normal. But for a while, I was doing more than him. What I trying to say that relationships will change based on external factors. I don’t resent my hubby for needing me to pick up the slack. I chose to do that. And once he was settled, things went back to normal. But you do need some give and take in a relationship. Because I know that if I need him to pick up the slack, I can 100% count on him to!
Hubby and I kind of started a post-it note system that has over time, evolved into this. We each write something we want to do, or somewhere we want to go, on a post-it, and post it to the side of the fridge. Then when we have an evening free, or a day during the weekend, we go look at the fridge and pick something to do, or go. I recommend putting it somewhere public because then you both see it and get reminded to make a plan. In all honesty, some of the post-it notes have been on the side of our fridge for a while, but we have a lot to get through!
Is the Argument Worth it?
I find myself asking this question on occasion. Previously, if my hubby did, or said, something that annoyed me, I’d raise it. Now, I wait 10-15 minutes. Then I ask myself if it’s worth it. If it isn’t, then it’s all good. If it is, in those 10-15 minutes, I have calmed down a bit and usually I can explain what has iratated me better. Rather than raising it right away and not being able to explain my perspective very well. Does anyone else do that, or is it just me?
When you’ve been together for a while, life can slip into a routine. Now, I love a routine. But it’s a bad routine if you come home from work separately, don’t greet each other, sit silently at the dinner table, then go on with your own, separate evening plans. So it’s important to do those things and make the effort to show the other person that you care. This doesn’t need to involve money. Hubby and I will sit on the couch, and vent about our day. Work or otherwise. The other listens, questions and responds. Being involved in each others lives is important to keep that connection going strong.