This may not be the most festive a post, but this year has been the first year that I’ve experienced the death of someone close to me whilst being old enough to understand. I lost my Great Grandmother when I was 11, but I wasn’t old enough to really comprehend what had happened. She was in bad health for a long time beforehand so it was a shock, but not as much of a shock.
My hubby lost his Aunty back in June. She had Pancreatic Cancer. She was diagnosed just before mine and my hubby’s wedding in April 2017, and passed away at the start of June 2018. She was too ill to come to our wedding. The doctors told her pretty early on that her tumour was inoperable due to where it was. But that didn’t stop her, she kept fighting, and fighting.
By the end, she couldn’t drink anything and was in palliative care. She lost so much weight and was so tired she would just sleep while you sat with her, unable to speak.
So my hubby and I would just sit next to her bed, he’d hold her hand, and we’d talk about our day. We’d talk about work annoying us. About things we wanted to do at the weekend to take advantage of not being at work. The usual. I’d like to think that she was listening to our conversation and that she was comforted to know that we were there with her.
Since she’s passed, every now and then she pops into my head. I might see someone who looked like her, or we go somewhere that we went with her.
My hubby and his family have a saying: What Would Jean Do?
This is my hubby’s first Christmas without her. And I know she wouldn’t want my hubby, his family, or her family to feel sad. She’d want everyone to wear something incredibly inappropriate for their age, act like they are 20 years younger than they actually are, and be the last one on the dance floor.
So to anyone who sees me at a Christmas party or event/ I am going to be dressed however I want to. Dancing like no ones watching. Doing whatever I choose. Because What Would Jean Do…